It is no secret that the movie and television industry have created a slew of toxic, and problematic fictional relationships throughout the years. Art imitates life, and people can be dysfunctional in real life. After all, it is important to portray life as it truly is. There is, however, a narrow line between depicting the reality of an unhealthy or emotionally abusive relationship and idealising emotional abuse. For instance, insinuating that sneaking into your crush’s bedroom in the middle of the night to see them sleeping is “romantic.” (Of course, as long as you’re a wealthy, attractive vampire, this is perfectly okay in Hollywood.)
Blair and Chuck from Gossip Girl is one TV’s most admired couples. Often referred to as “goals” when they are nothing but the polar opposite of what should be considered a good relationship. For a large majority of the show, the two are continually conspiring to cause problems in each others lives. To win affection, bets and wagers are frequently employed; clearly not the smartest mechanism in a relationship. The rare romanticised moments that the pair actually do enjoy together, however, outweigh this behaviour in the viewers eye. Their conflicts are continually downplayed with the couple ultimately marrying each other in the end.
Netflix’s TV series “You” was available to stream in September of 2018 , and it has been generating wide attention since. Many viewers found themselves “shipping” Beck and Joe, the latter of whom is a violent stalker. ‘You’ was supposed to be social satire criticising toxic masculinity, vulnerability online and social media identities, but very quickly turned into an overtly glorified tale of a stalker by its audience.
The Twitter user above is not the only one who misunderstood the series’ goal, raising the question: did ‘You’ downplay the violent and lewd tendencies of their villain protagonist? Was the series too subtle in its intention?
Other movies about domestic abuse portray its abusers as absolute monsters. This reinforces the idea that abusive behaviour is identifiable and obvious—it allows us to stand outside the relationship and say it is so easy to see what is happening and what the woman should do to retaliate. This causes an adverse effect for real victims of domestic abuse, as they are often labelled ‘weak’ for not walking out of toxic relationships.
The most worrying aspect is that these films and television shows are frequently targeted at teens. As an eager adolescent you can be easily influenced by what is portrayed as ‘normal’ relationships on television. However, it would be wrong for one to say that accurate representations do not exist. HBO’s ‘Big Little Lies’ highlights the undertones and societal response of abusive relationships in a relatively accurate manner. The famous 40’s thriller ‘Gaslight’ is also one of the few movies that tackle emotional abuse well, according to expert Diane Shoos.
Unfortunately, the fact remains that Hollywood needs to clear the blurred lines between dark romance and emotional abuse.